Mood tunnel

its been a bad day for me , i am sick, feelings filled with hate n sadness n dissapointment. I just dun understand , u all can complain to me , but when i complain to u , i am bad tempered? wats this.

i told u nt to give him money, he will keep asking, i told u if u give him, i will leave u. But u did not listen, there are so many pitiful ppl out there, he has hands and legs , he has a job and yet he expects us to pity him?? u said just treat it as charity, when u know that he is gonna gamble it away.for all these years, i never once tell u that how much i wanted a gd father, a loving family, wat i wanted from u , its let him get out of my life.. u always tell me if jason can tolerate why can't I . thats bcos, he comes n irriates me, and u come and complain to me . Have u ever stand in my position to think. I know that u will give me money if i am nt workin, but to lessen ur burden i choice to find a job,and now , u are giving him money.. to gamble.. then why shld i go and work? i rather u spend the money on me n jason .

i told u, if i study in singapore i can't live with him, have u nt forgotten the times when its exam and he comes back and irritates us, i dun want my life to be affected by him.. why shld i take pity on a person who only say he loves me thru words, but i had never received his love? I told u before, if u wanna stay with him, i am fine with it, but dun complain , cus thats ur choice.

u all onli know how to say i dun love u all, dun care.. have u all tot of my feelings ? what must i make u all do understand, jump off the building and then write a note to tell u all that i love u ?why are u all so selfish. i am suppose to protect u all and love u all, then hu protect me ? i tired , seriously tired.. u always say that i dun concern abt u , watever i post in this fuckin blog affects ur thinkin, if u are so sensitive then dun read this fuckin blog la. why make urself so miserable.
i thot the problem was solved, but i was wrong.. we promised to work hard to improve our friendship, and u always think that other frens have replaced u , come on man , i dun have a bf , i onli have my frens ard me, of course i will go out and stick with them most of the time. always based on ur assumptions , u judged me. last week i was feelin down, i was hopin to tell u my feelings when u are back, and when i told u that i had so many things to tell u , u just shoot me of with a " like real" . the person that used to understand me the most, and the first person that i think of everytime , doubts me .. How does that feel??

There's nothing i can do n want to do nw.. tears will flow,and i will wipe them off myself. if u feel that u are leadin a miserable life, whr no one loves u .. then just kill urself.. dun complain..

There are people who loves me alot, but sometimes what i need more is u all tryin to understand the real me.