Seasons Greetings

Monday ~ went out with dada, we went vivo , watched the golden compass. It is a ok movie to me. Things i liked was the bears animation and nicole kidman's acting. this kind of fanatsy movie is still nt my cup of coffee. I think it's more clara.. haha .. oh we had a romantic night at the sky garden at vivo, very comfortable weather , but i and dada did stupid stuffs, shot video and read chinese newspaper. So unsightly reading chinese newspaper in such a romantic atmosphere.

Ok tuesday i met my primary sch buddy gwee hua . I always call her gui ( ghost). Hee, that girl made us the centre of attraction every single place we went at orchard , bcos of her hair. Everyone was looking , its amazing how she can stand this kind of attraction. She changed her style from hip hop to japan anima kind. So her hard was like blonde with some portion black , spiked and covering half of her face. So yeah.. but i did not feel she changed much , still the girl is not very loud , but has a loud style and a great talent. I am seriously happy for her that she can do something that she liked. She proved to me that Singapore's education is nt just abt grades.

I am happy that our friendship is 10 years alrd. Hmm, for primary buddies i only have gui , sec sch i have hui xin n wei ling , they are the onli 2 who i think i sincere when talkin to me , the rest .. haiz .. Hmm .. for poly , hu will keep in contact with ? God knows , its too early to say.

Hey peeps, whoever u are .

Pls take a look at happymoonface.blogspot.com, i and hx have updated some necklaces that i made. So pls try and support.

Hmm.. i am watchin asean idol now with my mum, so happy that rui en gt into top 10 , but i am even happier that ou xuan did not get it. Who ask her fans last week so crude, bet now they are crying..haha i am so wicked. I was like a so loud at home , screaming rui en's name . And when my mum say rui en dun noe how to walk, i quickly rebut her.. But realli must admit , rui en's out fit don't look nice. Hmm tml will be goin out with shu wen , i think its a long time since both of us go datin le. i am excited, cause i wanna go shoppin!!!!

haiz .. i am so crazy every hour go and check whether they post any news abt the tickets . Everyone one at the forum is like so anxious. I dun believe there is no ticks lei , how can that happen. Ok anyway , i am have cool down , but have nt thot carefulli yet. Anyway i have 2 weeks holiday time. Jason went to look after the cats, and he told us that the cats sratch him. Yucks i hate cats. My health is a little bad these few days, and it's internally. Mummy is kinda worried but i told her i am ok. But act i dun think i am , in fact i am a little scared. But i will monitor myself, it the problem is getting worse then i shall go X ray.

Ok this post is for the who u are too ..

I read ur blog and the last sentence realli pissed me off, u said what all my frens wan is for me to be myself . U mean wat i am fake whenever i am with the rest . For the last time i am saying to anyone " i am nt " whether u believe or not , i dun fuckin care, its ok if u don't understand , but dun ask me to change ! others dun have such problems ok , onli u n huixin ( sorry hui xin for bringing u in , but i am just providing her with real truths ) U said i treat every body the same , do u know that everyone also can see that i treat u so diff. U always expect from me , how abt me , when i am down or sad u also dun noe , the ppl then come n check me out is ester n mandy . And when i tell them my problems , they dun take sides, they realli listen and even tell me how u feel. I won't mind if u tell another fren , everyone needs advices and someone to listen , if everythin i also just sit down n think n think then i will just go bonkes one day.

Do u know the amt of tears that flowed , u words seriously hurt me so fuckin much. If i dun understand wats wrong with having a friendship with mandy, yi xun n vivian. They are good frens , amanda n u are of course higher position , if amanda can feel so i dun even noe why u can't. I dun belong to anyone ! Does nt mean that i have other frens where i can go out n laugh and tell my probs with make me fake ok !( i onli tell mandy n yixun n when amanda is ard too) It is because u dun tell thats why u always feel that u are in the right.
U don'tfeel my sincerity does not mean it does not exist. Even amanda also can see that i always give in.
. I admit that from year 1 till year 3 i have changed. But i have changed in a better way for myself , i understand ur way of making frens but that does not mean that u want me to change. I will never change bcos of wat others think of me . This is my life.

Sometimes i get so tired , when u tell me u don't who n who , so i have to distance myself against these ppl. But after some thots , i felt why shld i , i shld be comfortable with who i am with , and not let u decide my circle of frens.

I am realli angry when u said that if i don't tackle this prob then i will face with others. So its my fault onli , sometimes i feel so digusted when i always have the feeling that u are always
so disatisfied with me.Hui xin once ask me , i treat u as my best fren , don't i want u to treat me as ur best fren too. I told hui xin , that i dun mind , even if u don't.

Enough of all the stuffs, i just wanna tell u that when there is a prob in a friendship , its both sides also gt prob. So dear frens , pls dun think n think then shoot me a big bomb, unhappy with me then tell me, n we solve , everything put inside i won't know. No matter what , dun ever ask me to change bcos of ur feelings towards me. if i really change bcos of u all the words then i am realli fake n worth nothing.

Seriously , i am not ready for a talk yet cause i feel that u have not reflected on yourself. And i need time to reflect on myself too.if we call for a talk , i hope that amanda can be there too , whatever u are disastified can say out since the group is not just about i and you. I am sure each of us have our problems that we ever clarify.

Haiz ..

wrote a long post , but when i posted it up , i save it as draft . I think its better for me to tell the author my thots when i am ready. As for now, i wanna put the prob behind my back, 3 rounds of tears are enough. When one day i find a island called "yes i understand " i will just fly there so that i will not get heart problems. Ok , i am nt realli happy to write hyper stuffs, but i shall post the pics with took with felica chin today. I maximise the pic on my com , and realise that three of us look like frens, cause felica chin's smile was realli very comfortable, she put her on my back , and i forgot whether i put on hers , but i put on amanda's so it realli looks like a frens pic.Although i gt a feeling that amanda was shy. oh the rest of the pic is amanda ask me to take one. I am not chen feng ling fanatic. The last pic is a my calm reservior, if onli my heart is calm too.

I am releasing this post , that i saved as draft on thur.

wow , i need to control my emotions a little before writing this post. The same old problem was shoot back to me again today with the auothor having no harm. However, the author is enough to kill me without a sword. I want to release a draft entry that i wrote long ago when the same thing was brought up to me by another author.

" Everyone has diff ways of loving, i am a person who dun noe how to express my true inner feelings. Its' bcos i feel that no one can understand my thinkings except myself.I have been asking myself or even ppl been asking me now, why i don't show ppl ho i care or concern. And they feel that they are treated the same as others . Well wat i feel is that if u understand then u will noe i am not such a person. I always put my true care n concern in the deepest side and inner side of my heart which belongs to me only. Unable to feel my love does not mean it does not exist. Maybe its bcos u r taking things for granted. "

Yup thats the post i wrote long ago. Until this second , i am still confused and lost , although had a good time laughing with the rest just now, the prob is still at the back of my head. Today i cry with one eye man .. so amazing.

Seriously i dun noe wat to say , i do not treat ppl the same, i noe for myself. Ok if both authors want examples , i shall give, for example: the first person that comes into my head when i am realli unhappy is hui xin. the person whom i think will understand my thots is daphy. The first person whom i think i wanna have a enjoyable conversation is amanda. Dun ask me to rank u all. For the ranking , if u really understand, u will know where u stand.

Of course for classmates i treat them the same la , for example jeslin, yi xun, vivian , kai lin julai are all treated the same.

Sometimes , i grow closer to other ppl is bcos, they are seriously more sensitive to my feelings. They know it when i am down and no need to say anything , and they will comfort me . For example in poly would be mandy n ester. Do you know how sad i am when , my best frens do not even sense that i am unhappy. I may laugh outside but nt inside, u may say that i am fake, but i just dun wanna to make others feel moody just bcos of me. Its also sad when u do things and ppl just can't see.

I am tired of the same prob, so tired that i feel that i shld change myself to suit others so that they will be happy. So tired that i feel so scared to approach u all , cause i am scared of getting hurt. I opened my heart to u all ( whether u feel it or not ) and i may slowly chose to close it.

Sometimes when i have these kind of problems , i feel that i am so "nothing" wat ever i do , i try to make others happy. Maybe i have a big ego, but i hate the feeling of having ppl dislikin my attitude or character. maybe if anyone have issues abt me , dun tell me , just dun friend me . Maybe i will feel better.

Whatever is it now , i just feel like putting this at the back of my head until i have sorted out my own feelings.

i and daph are in big trouble , we are en addicted.. haha .. met daph for lunch and pei her go take MC, and we just continued our conversation from yesterday, without geeting bored. Sayin the same stuffs over n over. Haha .. we like still in a daze. We are touched by her trueful actions and sincerity, i never thot that my idol will keep saying thank u to me , just because i went to see her. A star that purposely immediately after the show signal to u to go outside n meet her. Waited for us , we all of us just walked there with no rush. She talked to us for half n hour. Raised out her hand to reach my notebook when my hand was covered by all the other ppl. When she talks to u , she looks at u in the eye. And she talks to u only, the other good fans will just keep quiet n nt interrupt. Did not like her as much as after we met her.having true contacts with her are more realistic then making assumptions. But our assumptions were right, cause we belive in her.

Ok back to my realistic world now , hmm IB is like never ending, i n jes just keep editing and finding info to back up. I am so sick of that , and i now i still need to find extra info. Kai lin just sms me , and i am kinda happy abt the effective writing. Onli one online whom i have never seen. Read ester's blog today, kinda worried abt her mood , but she msn me on sat seems ok. Shall drop her a mail after projects. That shawn is just like another joel. So childish, can't even take critisms.

Oh and i think that there are other readin my blog. But its okie .. All welcomed ! Just hope that u guys will not feel bored with my stuffs.

Our amazing day with rui en

I seriously dun noe whr to start , every thing happen today so unbelivable. So i shall cut intro details short

1.30 pm - me , daph n amanda felt that no more hope to go star awards

3.30pm - on the bus thinkin haiz onli can see rui en on tv

3.39pm - sms ! 2 ticks ! Shocking

Yeah , so i immediately gt off the bus to take a cab home to change then take a cab to mediacorp, cause had to be there by 5.30. Yeah , the start of the show was so cute seeing fann wong n chirs lee playing. Then rui en , saw us . I n daph were like so crazy , she asked us whether we ate anot , i n daph pointed ok to her. Then the show began with our minds still stuck with rui en . When we were seating there , we two were like sayin ah ya today not enough rui en , all xiang yun n huang wenyong. But .... our amazin rui en surprised us . As we wave to her , and she wave back to me , ( i noe it cause i n daph were the onli one wavin and there were onli 12 ppl ) so she told us , this time all the 12 to go somewhere ( all in sign lang ) . I n daph just happily follwoed the rest of the ppl.

Then ......... daph turned ard said rui en to me !

Rui en was waiting for us in the car lor , i was so shocked, its like first ever i saw her in real life just now , n now she's smiling to us in her car. Wat happen next was unbelivable too.

First rui en said :" Wah why so many ppl ?"" so many strangers today "

All the ppl were then silent

Rui en: " why so quiet , i look at u , u look at me " ( she's so cute n shy)

Then .. Me : Hi

Rui En : Hi , wats ur name

Me: Jacintha

Then ppl started takin pics

Me: Continue to work hard.

Rui En : nod head

Ok then , i and daph took pics with her la .

Then.. i took out my fury note book n our conversation started again

Me : Sorry ah .. the note book a bit ...

Rui En : Its okie !

( She started to write )

Rui En : Jacintha rite ( My goodness , at that time the joy was damm great la .. my idol remembers my name)

Me : Yeah

Rui En : So hw old r

Me : 19?

Rui En : Wat u doin ?

Me : Oh , studying in NYP marketing

Rui En : Oh great! sch holidays now ah ?

Me : No, i just came n support u ma .. Tml still gt sch

Rui En : (she passed me back the book ) Thanks !

Me : Welcome .. Bye !

i seriously dun noe how to explain , the politness n friendness of her, if u were there u wld noe la . Oh , now while typin , i remembered she said thanks for coming also in very sincere way. It is realli a great star struck day . We will definetly appear at her events lor . The feelin so amazing when an idol whom u respect actualli ask abt u n remembers ur name.

Okie Pics .. Wonderful pics !

stressed

was so stress today all bcos of IB, i got a lot of stuffs not confident on the project. So i went out alone to buy dinner for my bro n mum. Yeah after some time alone , where the night breeze was so cool n nice, i felt much better. And started chioing my projects. Now , finally finished. Hmm .. i gotta wake up early in the morning to go dye hair with the other crazy 2. And hopefully .. ( i am prayin ) we can go star awards to support rui en at night. We were so crazy on the phone just now man.

Daphy wrote a touching post on her blog, i n amanda were like so touched. Seriously , my feelings are the same too .Without them, my poly life will be nothing. Although we have quarrels n disagree on certain things at times, which made me feel so tired, sad, teared. However the both of them are beside me most of the time. Ppl who know the most abt me.. Hope to share more wonderful enjoyable with these 2 ppl.

My fav pic of the week !

this week everyday i wake up with a not so good mood.. but mood gets better after a few hrs in sch . Its a sick week for me , luckily i am not havin any more flu , but ... my back is fucking pain .. haiz .. sometimes i realli worried that next time i can't get pregnant lor. i have nt start doin my IB , everyday i must read my daily digest , to see how are my frens n idols doing .. haha .. such a bore person i am. Ah .. i realli wanna dye my hair blue. dark yet shiny blue. But very few places have, and i know none.

did not go sch today, sick .. Mummy passed the virus to me . Well, she took half day cause she's nt ok yet. So mother n daughter stayed at home. Still have 3 more projects to go before i can enjoy the 2 weeks holiday. i tot i have a lot to write .. suddenly my mind is blank. Only think i feel like writting now is this : If i lose anyone in my life, i will become very lonely. If people lose me , will they feel lonely? I think we shld cherish our family more, no matter what kind of parents they are, good or bad. They will be the only ones who will be sad and thinking of u for the rest of their lives.

i am waiting for my boss to proof read my proposal , so i shall come and slack slack a while. Hmm i went church today n today jonathan leong was more handsome .. i see him everytime in church, he alway sits the next row beside me. Then at vivo , i saw slyvester n his not pretty gf , and he's in pink hair. Gross.. Haiz .. my boss( mummy) very pro sia, really read every sentence, and edit the whole report with me. I need to do the admendments later. Guess i can't start on BM .

okie .. better get goin to see my boss now ..