Truths of my heart

Ok this post is for the who u are too ..

I read ur blog and the last sentence realli pissed me off, u said what all my frens wan is for me to be myself . U mean wat i am fake whenever i am with the rest . For the last time i am saying to anyone " i am nt " whether u believe or not , i dun fuckin care, its ok if u don't understand , but dun ask me to change ! others dun have such problems ok , onli u n huixin ( sorry hui xin for bringing u in , but i am just providing her with real truths ) U said i treat every body the same , do u know that everyone also can see that i treat u so diff. U always expect from me , how abt me , when i am down or sad u also dun noe , the ppl then come n check me out is ester n mandy . And when i tell them my problems , they dun take sides, they realli listen and even tell me how u feel. I won't mind if u tell another fren , everyone needs advices and someone to listen , if everythin i also just sit down n think n think then i will just go bonkes one day.

Do u know the amt of tears that flowed , u words seriously hurt me so fuckin much. If i dun understand wats wrong with having a friendship with mandy, yi xun n vivian. They are good frens , amanda n u are of course higher position , if amanda can feel so i dun even noe why u can't. I dun belong to anyone ! Does nt mean that i have other frens where i can go out n laugh and tell my probs with make me fake ok !( i onli tell mandy n yixun n when amanda is ard too) It is because u dun tell thats why u always feel that u are in the right.
U don'tfeel my sincerity does not mean it does not exist. Even amanda also can see that i always give in.
. I admit that from year 1 till year 3 i have changed. But i have changed in a better way for myself , i understand ur way of making frens but that does not mean that u want me to change. I will never change bcos of wat others think of me . This is my life.

Sometimes i get so tired , when u tell me u don't who n who , so i have to distance myself against these ppl. But after some thots , i felt why shld i , i shld be comfortable with who i am with , and not let u decide my circle of frens.

I am realli angry when u said that if i don't tackle this prob then i will face with others. So its my fault onli , sometimes i feel so digusted when i always have the feeling that u are always
so disatisfied with me.Hui xin once ask me , i treat u as my best fren , don't i want u to treat me as ur best fren too. I told hui xin , that i dun mind , even if u don't.

Enough of all the stuffs, i just wanna tell u that when there is a prob in a friendship , its both sides also gt prob. So dear frens , pls dun think n think then shoot me a big bomb, unhappy with me then tell me, n we solve , everything put inside i won't know. No matter what , dun ever ask me to change bcos of ur feelings towards me. if i really change bcos of u all the words then i am realli fake n worth nothing.

Seriously , i am not ready for a talk yet cause i feel that u have not reflected on yourself. And i need time to reflect on myself too.if we call for a talk , i hope that amanda can be there too , whatever u are disastified can say out since the group is not just about i and you. I am sure each of us have our problems that we ever clarify.