I just need a quiet listening ear .

3.15 am , Mandy n yixun slpin
Me , alone in the hall.
Projects quater done.
Mind in a emo state
Eyes tired

Sometimes realli feel that its so tiring to live.
Escaping is the first thing that comes to my mind,
Only after knowing that escaping would nt bring u anywhere, then courage comes in .
Having courage is easier said than done, to realli have the courage to face all the stuffs in life its nt easy at all.
I am still learning .

orh ho gui, orh ho siong ham.

yan ho dor si hao , will yao " lam um tong" ga si hao. lam um tong , ho fan , ho um hoi sum.
lam tong le , its no big deal . the period of lam um tong , so tiring , so upset, so depressed. dong lei lam tong zor , lei wil go dat zi gei ho sor, yan y, lam ga yeah um hai man tai le .

Pang yao dui orh hai ho zong u , i um hei mong they um hoi sum. but ho dor si hao , yan why um 100 % liu gai dui fong sor yi wil yao um hoi sum.

Today um hai hoi sum ga yat yat , ho dor si orh lam um tong. lam um tong yan why orh um hai 100% liu gai kui. Dan hai kui dui orh hai ho zong ui. um zi , pang yao ga guan hai wil last how long , dan hai orh wil gai kuit man tai . orh wil yong hei de hang or ga lo. yong hei de min dui zhong loy.

Yao si , orh wil gor dat ho gui, um zi dim gai wil gam , dim gai kui dey wil gam lam orh. gai sek ho dor chi do hai ho gui. um siong gai sek. dan hai , um gai sek , orh wil um hoi sum. ho fan.


Sorry no one will understand what i wrote, its in canto ( han yu pin ying version)

Forgive n Forget!

i just read the long email from ester dear , hmm , the silly girl is so sweet to reply me such a long email la .. when she's also busy with projects. Erm .. after i readin the email , i just feel that i this silly girl so much in class la. She's someone , with a very soft heart, even softer than mine lor.
Act i also feel sorry for jeslin , cause i remembered ester told me that jeslin is a girl who needs ppl to pei. That's why i try n smile to her whenever i can or doin projects. I know that she's someone whom u need to beware, but i think we shld let the past go , Yup . so i am gonna let it go. Actually i can feel the "strain" when doin projects alrd honestly, but i never say.. I know i am in the middle so i dun wanna make things so complicated, so i have to tolerate the "strain "

I think gossipin is has become a factor of poly life la , honestly its hard nt to gossip lor. But when i gossip i never tot of hurtin anyone , its just for entertaiment purpose. but act gossip does , and when the person is so weak alrd, can she bring much harm ? I chose to think that she won't now Since ester dear told me to look out for jeslin ,i will try my best . i think the onli think i can do is to make her feel tat she's nt invisible .

I seriously think God is lookin after me , in the afternoon i just read something, it says that christians ( act all religions i feel ) shld try n bring happiness to the ppl ard u . And one thing my mother always teaches me from real young , is to forgive n forget. Its amazing lor , after readin ester's email, i had some " unclear thoughts" then i remembered what i learnt today , and also what mummy teach. And.. my mind is clear now !

Babyxin's reply when i confide in her :
cos as we grow there are more and more things tat piss us off but we couldnt do anything abt it so we gossip to relieve .

I like the reply .. My soul mate always makes me feel better when i confide in her. :)

Clubbin with the peeps !

Oh ! Wat are they doin ?

Wow ! sexy sha !

Plush 's toilet seats are plaited with gold !!

Went clubbin with the peeps ytd, and i am still a little tired.. Ytd was fun although we did nt dance all night. Club hop from plush to MOS , i think clubs at central mall just can't make it la , but i have to admit that plush music was better than MOS , but .. the dance floor was nt open !! So weird la , a club with the dance floor close even when its alrd 11.30pm. We saw fuckin pretty transexual at MOS. And also some "weird" men. Hmm .. hope sat's escape will be sucessful, its a unsucessful event from year 2 lor.

bored with research

i am bored with research so i come blog again ..

Hmm.. i just discuss projects with jeslin ,And its rather weird ,honestly i dun wanna be the leader of any projects this sem unless there is realli a need. But in my point of view, i think jeslin has better brains n better at organizing n vettin our work. Yah so i hope she would be the leader. I am startin to have low confidence on the projects. I always have low confidence at things that i am nt sure .. i mean hu doesn't la. Yah but i am ready to go all out to get my grades this sem. Dun care whether it can be used for uni or nt , but i am just goin all out. I have decided the degress that i wanna take in SIM , but i have nt searched for backup overseas uni.

one of my fren actually copied my msn note " are emotions beyond our control" so funny la ... like wow , my words have an impact man. Erm almost all the happy go lucky ppl i noe are always sensitive towards emotions n feelings. Sometimes , ppl smile just to make ppl beside us feel happier.

Emotions are beyond my control
Tears are beyond my control
Tears just flow even when i am tryin to hold it back
When u are closer to someone, ur expectations of that person is higher
When expectations are raised, the hurt caused is also higher.

Sammi fanatic has just finished watchin sammi's recent interview .. (haha it rhymes) Hmm.. first week of sch is happy , realli had a great thur n fri, out with daph n dada, been a long time since the crazy 3 of year 1 spent time together. Daph wants to be happy , Sammi fanatic wants to be happy too , Shuwen ... is happy ? Dun noe cause she never tell me .. hee.. I think sammi fanatic is in the process of finding ways to overcome certain unhappiness in her life. She has overcome a little le, as what she said in her previous entry, "kan kai " on certain things for example she has lifted the load of her heart on her father, she does nt think that her mother can be a heavy bag to carry, she starts reading books ( this its shockin man ) she starts to relate to her religion more by tryin hard to go to church n talk to god more. She is nt so hot tempered n happier now .

Yup .. i am happier compared to before , but there a lot of things in my life which i hope to improve, i am nt a perfect person no one is , so sometimes being angry with myself is fine, the past i always get frustrated over being angry with myself abt my failures. I am onli 19 what i am experiencing or thinking now is just peanuts to what my future is gonna experience. For the past few months i have been constantly trying to win over my bad points that made me unhappy, well i think its bcos i noe that i am gonna be 20 , n its time for me to have a diff mindset towards life.

I wanna post pics so that i can admire my own beauty ( haha ) but huang shuwen has nt given me the pics.. haiz .. I dun wan my post to be just words today .. so i posted two sammi's drawings n writtings that sammi fanatic liked.

Projects are waiting for me to get my hands on ..

Doors Closed , In my own small small world

Doing my own stuffs, Listening to my own words

Listening to the familiar voices on my mp3's

Thinking abt my plans

Enjoying every sec of being immersed in what i am doing

Enjoying my stuffs , enjoying the quietness

Addicted to my world.

If u love a man , u need to understand him n nt to love him alot

When a man loves a women, he no need to understand her , he just needs to love her.

Pics of KL , I love the current sch timetable, there is time to breath although i feel the stress alrd. human relationships has made sch complicated.. haha .. it happens everywhr. .

Gonna make coffee n read my book nw.. Tml will be my world with my buddies !!!!!!!!!

Bye Holidays ! Hello Sch ! Bye Work ! Hi Ageing ! Hi Heaven

Life is all about phases, different kind of phases u do diff things n lead diff kind of life. In different points of life we need to courage to face urself n face ur future. There is no need to look back or ponder over the past or thinking about ur regrets. What we can do is to think abt our future and make our life as happy. "I am happy because i am happy" really like this answer that i gave amanda today when she asked me a question. Yup ! Currently i am in a stage where my mind is very clear, feeling carefree n happy. I am kinda ready to face the coming stress from sch and also the anger, sadness , and dissappointed that i will meet in future. I think i am nt as pessimistic as b4, a lot of thing i " kan kai " le. I am feeling the change n the drive of me to live , i also dun noe wat happen.. hee .. but just have this feeling inside me.

KL trip was quite ok, did not shop much, realli very little. Went genting after 13years, hmm nt a place for me . I dun realli like to go malaysia actually. Cause i am very fussy over food hygenie and also customer service. So its not realli a place for me to go frequently. Hopefully the next travel place would be vitenam or brisbane in dec or jan. I love travelling now, a lot things to experience, its amazing to see how diff country citizens lead lives.

i am impressed by mandy lam!

Its 2.25 am . i can't slp bcos its too early for me. After visting mandy's blog i seriously feel that she can be a writer man. Her writings are like chinese novels. Realli very good at her words. Act her article views i have alrd heared b4 la , from our some times in-depth discussion durin meetings. This girl's mind is more complicated than me .

I realli like the sentence where she said , if there is no eternal love, then "what " is the thing that ppl seek for in life. If once own /once love is enough then when u lost that "love" why do ppl feel sad n even have thoughts of depression.

Diff ppl will have diff answers regardin this issue. Well , to me i always feel that love is a very sensitive issue to talk abt, and loving someone, or being loved all these things can't be simply put in words. Actually feeelings can never be truly expressed in words. The word "I love U " does nt realli attracts me , cause it has become a thing that everyone just say easily . Thats why i always use it to joke ard. haha. I am nt a person who like to discuss abt love life , or even ask other pplabt their love life. Ppl have diff perceptions ah.

Seriously i am still in a state of being impressed by mandy.. in chinese somemore lor , it took me quite some time to read the whole entry , and digest the words. Amazing!

Destination of 2008/2009

My goodness , i am so excited ... Daphy asked me to check out the price for the destinations so that we can save . Well , act i think its not very ex to go to italy , n maldives.
Package for italy, paris n ... is onli 2999. And u get to go to 3 countries..

Cause maldives there's nothing much to buy, and italy is more of a sightseeing country n a LV , Gucci country . I can't wait to go n see the clear blue sea, churches that are so grand , and dolphin n whale watching ... Cool ..

hmm.. just done the cd for my dad n passed it to him, seriously i dun wat changed my feelings towards him, maybe the determination to nt get angry over small things. I still do get irritatated at some things , of course i can't change all my hot temperness la . I dun hate him anymore, i also dun noe why, even when ytd he came back and like irritate my mum, i just did not scold him. Last time i would , amanda heared how i scold my dad just bcos he ask me to change the tv channel. Hmm, without hate i feel better a lot, at least i wun get angry n frustrated when i discuss the topic with mummy. Sometimes i even feel so weird treating him so good. HAHA... jason is in a not so good mood nowadays bcos of stress at work n lack of slp. I hate it when he always call me n mummy "A" or "Oui".. such a rude boy! He's too ang moh minded.

Talkin abt ang moh, when i follow mummy go eat today the food stall auntie told my mother she closed , but when 2 ang moh asked her , she say she open. So racisit , look down on ur own ppl. When i go out with my bro's gf also we get better service. Mummy ask me to write into forum, cause now the hot topic is racist in s'pore after a reporter wrote in. I think if i write in i will get sued . Cause i dun understand why singapore govt promotes singapore as " racial harmony "country when Singapore is a " U dun noe chinese ? Bye Bye! " country.

Packed my stuffs cause i wanna sell all unwanted n unused stuffs on mocca n yahoo auctions. I regreted not keepin my posters in gd condition if nt i can sell them. Ytd i walk , walk walk , n walk . Clementi go bugis, bugis walk to arab street, arab street walk to dun noe whr , then chinatown walk to central shoppin, central walk to clarke quay, clarke quay walk to liang court. All bcos we wanted to find good beads n charms shop, we made gd discovery ... but all closed.. so suay. But we will buy onli when we r back from KL, i am feelin very restless today, its the last monday of holiday. I dun realli feel excited abt sch , neither the KL trip. Cause i will be back on sunday , next day sch starts at 8am. I hope i wun feel moody bcos of the lack of slp on monday. But i think i will , cause its irritating teacher kevin wee ! I hate this man , such a nag.

While packin i gt into a mood of doing this .. My whole sammi cheng sau man collections, plus 3 concert tickets i think i can buy the air ticket to las vegas. I gt a shock myself too. All my sec sch pocket money. My first good progress award was spent on a sammi concert ticket. ahaha .. Mummy is becoming sammi fanatic number 2. She a bit siao alrd. I think among all the collection , the best was the first vcd my bro bought for me,he like her first, then i even gt so angry why he buy sammi not faye wong which i asked for.

This are evidence of sammi fanatic, i think one day i shld take a pic of all the letters of quarrels with chen hui xin ( quarrel fanatic) in class during sec sch let u all see how unreasonable that women is , everything under the sun also can quarrel. But i think the quarrels in sec sch filled up part of our memories. It made us go through many stuffs.

My fear of promises ( Photos may be disturbing)

Went to visit my grandma n my aunt today at the cemetery, my mum wanted to take pic so since i take pic so i just show u all ba, thoese who never been to lawn cemetry. I did a very funny thing , as we were leaving , i saw this poor lawn where the person pic n stone all covered by the dead n dried grass, so i clear for him lor... Its a old man , and my mother actually wanted me to see his lawn number, such a coincidence, its my date of birth lor . I had a great time with mummy today , keep laughin cause we were in good mood, we went sun plaza and took a long bus ride home while listening to ipod, mummy even wished the uncle drive slower.

I seriously think i am so amazing, just now i write my diary on some very personal stuffs la , then now can come n blog, i am having split personality. I think my best soul mate is myself. Hx say i am pathetic , i think everyone is pathetic in his own ways .. Haha .. we are just pathetic people living in this beautiful world/outer shell.

Sammi fanatic is sick, in a drowsy mood, and feeling restless with no mood to do anything except listening to songs.

A song that truly define my perceptions on relationships... Nice song

Women in love

Life is a moment in space
When the dream is gone it's a lonelier place
I kiss the morning goodbye But down inside, you know we never know why
The road is narrow and long
When eyes meet eyes and the feeling is strong I turn away from the wall,
I stumble and fall, but I give you it all

Chrous:
I am a woman in love
And I'd do anything to get you into my world and hold you within
It's a right, I define, over and over again
What do I do?
With you eternally mine
In love there is no measure of time
We planned it all at the start
That you and I live in each other's heart
We may be oceans away
You feel my love, I hear what you say.
No truth is ever a lie, I stumble and fall, but I give you it all

(Chrorus)
Ooooh Yes I am a woman in love and I'm talking to you, Y
ou know I know how you feel, what a woman can do.
It's a right, I define, over and over again.
What do I do.I
'm a woman in love
And I'll do anything to get you into my world
And hold you within
It's a right I define ....

Stop playin games jason .. u r 28 yrs old

My bro is playin war games on his com , and i can hear all the shootin.. i noe amanda is waiting for the pics but i wanna write some stuffs first. Hmm.. how i wish i have a diary with me everytime i sit long bus rides, i enjoy long bus rides just so relaxing, and feelings of the days just go thru ur minds. Like how u enjoyed ur day , or even how bad is ur day. Well i had a great day shoppin with amanda, been a lot time since we had some " er ren shi jie" .

We ate sakae buffet , frens ard me eat n say that they are angry with themselves by eating so much , haha that happens to me also. We will just have to admit that we dun have determination, but instead of being angry at myself , or makin swears that i won't eat so much , which 98% of the girls dun fufil, i am trying to find determination, onli determination n perserverance can make it sucessful, realli wondered hw i n hx were able to lose weight last time. Girls that restort to pills is onli bcos 1) Realli desperate 2) No determination

I hope i n hx the blogshop will be sucessful. Goin italy n maldives with daph when we r 21-22 , and goin rendang island with mandy n gang for graduation trip. So i need to save up. Okok .. better go upload pics.. tml is at home with daddy, so i better go download his songs if nt he's gonna give me the sad face again