Truths of my heart

I am releasing this post , that i saved as draft on thur.

wow , i need to control my emotions a little before writing this post. The same old problem was shoot back to me again today with the auothor having no harm. However, the author is enough to kill me without a sword. I want to release a draft entry that i wrote long ago when the same thing was brought up to me by another author.

" Everyone has diff ways of loving, i am a person who dun noe how to express my true inner feelings. Its' bcos i feel that no one can understand my thinkings except myself.I have been asking myself or even ppl been asking me now, why i don't show ppl ho i care or concern. And they feel that they are treated the same as others . Well wat i feel is that if u understand then u will noe i am not such a person. I always put my true care n concern in the deepest side and inner side of my heart which belongs to me only. Unable to feel my love does not mean it does not exist. Maybe its bcos u r taking things for granted. "

Yup thats the post i wrote long ago. Until this second , i am still confused and lost , although had a good time laughing with the rest just now, the prob is still at the back of my head. Today i cry with one eye man .. so amazing.

Seriously i dun noe wat to say , i do not treat ppl the same, i noe for myself. Ok if both authors want examples , i shall give, for example: the first person that comes into my head when i am realli unhappy is hui xin. the person whom i think will understand my thots is daphy. The first person whom i think i wanna have a enjoyable conversation is amanda. Dun ask me to rank u all. For the ranking , if u really understand, u will know where u stand.

Of course for classmates i treat them the same la , for example jeslin, yi xun, vivian , kai lin julai are all treated the same.

Sometimes , i grow closer to other ppl is bcos, they are seriously more sensitive to my feelings. They know it when i am down and no need to say anything , and they will comfort me . For example in poly would be mandy n ester. Do you know how sad i am when , my best frens do not even sense that i am unhappy. I may laugh outside but nt inside, u may say that i am fake, but i just dun wanna to make others feel moody just bcos of me. Its also sad when u do things and ppl just can't see.

I am tired of the same prob, so tired that i feel that i shld change myself to suit others so that they will be happy. So tired that i feel so scared to approach u all , cause i am scared of getting hurt. I opened my heart to u all ( whether u feel it or not ) and i may slowly chose to close it.

Sometimes when i have these kind of problems , i feel that i am so "nothing" wat ever i do , i try to make others happy. Maybe i have a big ego, but i hate the feeling of having ppl dislikin my attitude or character. maybe if anyone have issues abt me , dun tell me , just dun friend me . Maybe i will feel better.

Whatever is it now , i just feel like putting this at the back of my head until i have sorted out my own feelings.