Truths of my heart

Ytd and today was realli very moody.. Ytd was another drama night at home.
Could not take it , so i just dress up and wanted to go mac alone, but mummy did not wanna stay at home too , so we headed for dragonfly...
I think its my character that make myself so terrible. I think if i'm nt so zhi zhou in some things i can actually sort it out within a few mintues. But till today i still can't.. I push myself a lot in life, because my future is the most important thing to me. My future job and the way i'm leadin life is very very important. I dun like to be disturbed or have such unstable moments , what if the next day is exam ? Being 21yrs old and not being able to have peace at home realli makes me very upset. I'm an adult yet i have face and continue to live with such a father?
I dun understand , if u are so unhappy with ur life, why can't u go jump off the buildings ? I never hated u to the extent that i wanted u to die, but now it seems that unless u are dead , my stupid mum will not have the heart to leave u. And if she carry on livin with u , she will be dead sooner than u . I'm nt gonna stay with u forever, with an income i am movin out. I have to force her to make a choice.

Sometimes i realli feel that god is testing me to be independent, when i'm feelin down , the ppl whom i wanna see are always busy. Luckily i'm used to picking myself up and wiping my tears myself. So much so that now when i'm upset , i just wanna be alone. I miss the heart to heart talks i had with hx and daphy last time. But i dun noe since when , i have stop opening my whole heart already...