decision made.. i am nt gonna work.. wat for i slog , but the money is saved to give a useless man. i gonna take my own time to recover, most importantly to rethink abt things, and be alone for a while..

Mood tunnel

its been a bad day for me , i am sick, feelings filled with hate n sadness n dissapointment. I just dun understand , u all can complain to me , but when i complain to u , i am bad tempered? wats this.

i told u nt to give him money, he will keep asking, i told u if u give him, i will leave u. But u did not listen, there are so many pitiful ppl out there, he has hands and legs , he has a job and yet he expects us to pity him?? u said just treat it as charity, when u know that he is gonna gamble it away.for all these years, i never once tell u that how much i wanted a gd father, a loving family, wat i wanted from u , its let him get out of my life.. u always tell me if jason can tolerate why can't I . thats bcos, he comes n irriates me, and u come and complain to me . Have u ever stand in my position to think. I know that u will give me money if i am nt workin, but to lessen ur burden i choice to find a job,and now , u are giving him money.. to gamble.. then why shld i go and work? i rather u spend the money on me n jason .

i told u, if i study in singapore i can't live with him, have u nt forgotten the times when its exam and he comes back and irritates us, i dun want my life to be affected by him.. why shld i take pity on a person who only say he loves me thru words, but i had never received his love? I told u before, if u wanna stay with him, i am fine with it, but dun complain , cus thats ur choice.

u all onli know how to say i dun love u all, dun care.. have u all tot of my feelings ? what must i make u all do understand, jump off the building and then write a note to tell u all that i love u ?why are u all so selfish. i am suppose to protect u all and love u all, then hu protect me ? i tired , seriously tired.. u always say that i dun concern abt u , watever i post in this fuckin blog affects ur thinkin, if u are so sensitive then dun read this fuckin blog la. why make urself so miserable.
i thot the problem was solved, but i was wrong.. we promised to work hard to improve our friendship, and u always think that other frens have replaced u , come on man , i dun have a bf , i onli have my frens ard me, of course i will go out and stick with them most of the time. always based on ur assumptions , u judged me. last week i was feelin down, i was hopin to tell u my feelings when u are back, and when i told u that i had so many things to tell u , u just shoot me of with a " like real" . the person that used to understand me the most, and the first person that i think of everytime , doubts me .. How does that feel??

There's nothing i can do n want to do nw.. tears will flow,and i will wipe them off myself. if u feel that u are leadin a miserable life, whr no one loves u .. then just kill urself.. dun complain..

There are people who loves me alot, but sometimes what i need more is u all tryin to understand the real me.

Day out with shuwen n mum

today is a great day ! went orchard with amanda and barney mummy. my mum keep bad mouth in front of amanda lor .. i no more face le la. It was a great shoppin trip , very long time never shop with my mother le , barney mummy wanted to bring us for high tea at raffles the plaza hotel , but luckily i reminded her that she's nt a tai tai . That women , everytime imagine she is tai tai.. In the end , we settled for coffee at far east. My mother likes amanda nw ... everytime i say go out with amanda then she will say OK ! Next time we shld have a outing with barneymummy , barney , and all barney dears n darlins. I think barney mummy will go bankrupt.

Oh barney is goin hk on oct 18-22 .. its a mth away .. but i know u guys will miss me when i go holiday rite ...

Zouk with the kiasi gang .. haha

Went zouk with the kaisi gang ytd.. ( sorry ester dear, i went clubbin instead of sendin u off.. dun hate me .. But i send a romantic sms to u lei , and u idiot send me such a cold reply! so unromantic!)

it was the first time clubbin for yx n mandy... i know they gt a shock with the amt of people, cause its ladies night, my goodness there is so many ppl. But luckily we did nt go inside MOS , if nt we will be surronded by ah bengs n Mina. Zouk 's crowd is better. We had a fun .. but it was so hard to dance with so many ppl. And everywhere is pretty girls.. i was telling them that i can't find anyone uglyier than me... sob.. i need plastic surgery... after zouk we went clarke quay cause we did nt want to waste money on midnight charge, so mandy,yx, dada n I went to mac. honestly i tot i will give up half way n just take a cab back. But... we stay at mac till 5.30am. so amazing .. we gt to see the nice quiet view of clarke quay early in the morning.. so peaceful, when there is no more night life.

Although i am amazed with myself for stayin out so late, i woke up with terrible sore throat. and my mummy say i ah lian ... ( sob ... ) my mood is nt realli very good today, cause of the sore throat and also the stupid tekmedia, asked me to work this weekend then suddenly disappear, and the stupid david , never even update us. Make us wait n wait.. I am halfway to getting done with my cleanning at home .. so i dun want to hang in the air, i have gotten enough rest alrd.

Felt damm pissed n depressed just now, and i throw my temper at amanda. sorry da, i know whenever i angry , u very poor thing cause u r always my target. haiz .. ppl whom i always su ku,are nt here, stupid huixin, when i need u, u go hk. stupid ester, go wat france la , singapore no gd meh .. (just kiddin la , scoldin ppl makes me happier. u all better enjoy urself k ) shit i think i become sadist alrd. Luckily , mandy lam .. cheer me up with her " happy man " .. thanks mandy, i noe u have been busy listening n cheering up amanda n I.

Ok .. its pics time again ..

Ps : Kiasi gang , pls dun scold me if i post ugly pics k , cause u all r always so pretty in my eyes ah , Anyway my blog onli gt 6 ppl read onli . I am nt so cruel to put on friendster .. like MANDY LAM WOON HUI !

Pics shall do the talkin

My bf proposed alrd.. haha ..its my mummy diamond ring
barney n barneymummy

she just loves to take pics 24hrs
shuwen n barney
2 barneys !!

slackin with them was cool
she wants wee kiong now , dun wan me alrd

Sisterhood .. Memories

actually i had no feelin or no mood to blog today, but after viewing some of my sisterhood frens the blog, it had left me some thoughts and left me with flashbacks of the past secondary sch days with them. Hmm .. so fast, all of them changed, last time they were the pure sec sch ah lians wearing slippers and bermudas. loitering at arcades. We even join as a grp of 11 called sisterhood cause we dun wan to kena bullied by others. I was always never scared of anything, cause i know if i tell them , they will help me chu tou.

i still remember the days where every weekend we will go arcade n waste time. Now , they are all grown up , things on their wishlist are Gucci bags and LV.. Nana has also become from bad to worse .. last time when i realised that their lives is not what i want , i always wanted to help them go back to the right path. I still remember how i and hx tried to change Nana , and how strict we were on her. But its still no use. Act i am glad to see that the rest of them have alrd grown up. Although i can never lead the life that they are leadin , i have never look down on them. i admit sometimes i feel that they are wastin their lives , goin in and out of school. But they are most loyal grp of frens that i have. even i n hx seldom meet them, maybe onli one year once gatherings . But they still treat us very good, and never kick us out of sisterhood .. ahaha..

Still, i hope that one day, they will do things not for the sake of playin anymore, but seriously think what they want to do for their lives.

just finished hk drama series , My green grass of home. A very nice love and environmental focus drama. Makes me wanna go for a village holiday. Hmm.. i just realised that there are a lot of things undone at home, and i can predict that mummy is gonna nag at me soon. I think i shall spend most of the time at home next week . the comming weeks would be catching up sessions with my secondary sch peeps and n primary sch buddy , and also annice n gang. Hope things would turn better for sha n annice at ipp. As for jobs , i would see if the telemarketer job is attractive a nt , but workin with amanda makes it attractive alrd. Haha .. if nt then i shall just wait for tekmedia to give me jobs when there are assignments. In the mean time, i seriously need to get things organised, have been slackin and wasting time too much le. Ester dear ask me to be motivated, so i shall nt be lazy barney if nt she won't want me anymore when she 's back. I need to upload lots of pics later man. Sian la , all bcos of amanda huang .. and amanda huang, this is my last warning to you , STOP matchmaking me to RUM. i like vodka n tequlia onli ( haha)

This is my babyxin.... a possesive women :)


The small girl is sitting alone waiting for parents .. ( I will never leave my child alone like that! Stupid parents !)